I have a question for ladies out there. How can you dominate the household with such ease? I somehow watched 43 minutes of Deal or No Deal the other night as Tomorrow Rodriguez won a million dollars. What did I have every intention of watching? The final three innings of the World Series.
Three innings, not even. The Phils won without having to bat in the bottom of the ninth. Somewhere, somehow, bride-to-be has developed a flight response to baseball. There is no fight. She just leaves the room, akin to the "She's washing her hair" response you sometimes got when trying to call upon a young lady. I don't know if the response was developed in the delta where my team lost 34 games in a row over two years by very large margins and she saw the effects of the beatings on my battered psyche, or if it started at some point in her childhood when she was forced to watch horrific baseball - extended innings due to walks, errors, domination by the opposing team, various player anatomy adjustments - the likes of which will scar any potential fan, and repressed the memory. It doesn't matter. I get similar responses to action movies and CSPAN. True, I'm one of 56 Americans who enjoy watching CSPAN so maybe that shouldn't count, but I do change the channel when she's around. (That's right, talk to me Anthony Corrado of the Brookings Institute about the State of the Presidential Election.)
However, and guys will agree, we will sit though anything in hopes of making our ladies happy. When they are happy, we are happy. Hence, the success of the Dr. Pepper commercial where the dutiful boyfriend buys tampons and other testicle questioning acts until she takes tries to take his drink. You learn this at a young age from your father when he backs up every suggestion your mother throws out. (Yes it is 75 degrees, but your mom wants you to put on your sweater because she is cold. No, you can't jump off the roof into the pool even though it would be super-awesome.) I awoke to this fact of life when I found myself watching Dirty Dancing one Saturday morning, and despite Patrick Swayze hip thrusting and pelvis driving, I dutifully watched alongside my future bride. She may have envisioned summer escapades with strangely-gifted sensitive dancers while we were watching, but she was happy and I was there as her only option. It was a choice, and in January, I commit to a life of those choices, and I can handle it.
I have not yet succumbed to Steel Magnolias or The Cutting Edge, and I will hold out as long as possible, opting for Chuck Norris, Bloodsport, MonsterQuest, and nine hours of football, until I inevitably fold when she pushes the envelope, offering me baked goods and cold beer in exchange for my manhood. When that time comes, I will season my manhood with cumin and oregano, saute it in EVOO, sprinkle it with pepper, and serve it as an appetizer to an evening of settling down in matching penguin print pj's.
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9 comments:
EVOO?! Someones been watching Rachel Ray... =P
That's part of it. Bride to be concurs.
Larry I expect an election post before tomorrow
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